Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
