I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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