I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
