the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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