I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
