drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
