he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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