Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
and you fell through a lawn chair
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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