just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
