Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
