ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
