The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
