They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Acid is not a monday night drug
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
