You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
