I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
