respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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