Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
