She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
