Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
