Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
