Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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