Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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