He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
