I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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