Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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