a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
