Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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