he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
this will be a night to untag.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
