Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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