I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
