hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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