If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Acid is not a monday night drug
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
you never un-have a 4some
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
