also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Randomize
