I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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