There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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