I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
