woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
