my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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