checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
