My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
