your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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