i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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