I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
