I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
