No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
