Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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