i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
