And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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