so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So I just went to clothing optional bar
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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