He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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