btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
