Will you blow on my dice?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
