While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just gargled with NyQuil
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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